I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
BRING THE BAGELS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
