The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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