how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
