you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
