she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
