sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
