8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
