would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize