Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
