Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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