dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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