Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
