tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
