i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
