im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
