I love black thongs
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
