man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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