I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
