lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
