I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
