Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
