Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The Olympian is in my bed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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