HIV tests are more positive than that guy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
