New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
