you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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