Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
