No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize