Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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