Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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