Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
