I want to have your abortion
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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