i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
