I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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