would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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