Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
