You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
