i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
