I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize