I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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