I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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