Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
