I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
