Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
