He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize