I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
