her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
