Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
