Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
