One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
