hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
