I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
