That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize