I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
