Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
