last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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