The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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