She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize