1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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