If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
