Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
