I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
