I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
