Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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