i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
