eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
