and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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