No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
