Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
