My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
