Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
