reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
