Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
