I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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