what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
