R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
