I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
