My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
