i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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