Pappa wants mamma naked
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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