Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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