I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
