"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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