i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize