you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
