she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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