He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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