How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
