and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dicks are not precious.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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