I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
