I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
