Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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