I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
