you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
