Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize