this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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