It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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