Me too!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
