You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize