One girl and one boy is just not enough.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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