about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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