This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
