I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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