I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
